So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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