Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
