id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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