im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
