Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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