Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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