Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize