took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
