why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
