I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
