My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
