my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
