think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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