ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
