why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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