Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
