Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize