The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
