i was born a porn star she said
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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