a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
