I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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