i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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