in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize