Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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