Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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