when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
