ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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