but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
