Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I won the penis lottery.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize