What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
