I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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