next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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