I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize