Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Even my vagina gasped.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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