How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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