here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
