I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Screwed.edu
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
