so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
