why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
