Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize