I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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