Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
