What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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