Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
