Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
