You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
