she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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