I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
