what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
