Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
