thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
