If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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