why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
