I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
