We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize