I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
