she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
