Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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