Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Are my feet made of real feet?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
