Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
