apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
