why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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