You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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