Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
