I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
