he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
