my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
soo... how was my night?
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