I am puke
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
