Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
