dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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