When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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