you win again, gameday.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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