just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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