just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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