An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
